Saturday, June 05, 2004
?...
I don't know what to title this post as I am ready to ramble - the exhaustion has become much more than I can handle.
I was driving home from Kincardine today - completely exhausted and thinking - I should have stayed at Dad's and napped - I'm seeing double... Then I should just pull over the car is nice and warm, I'll fall asleep no problem... Then I asked myself why I wasn't pulling over - maybe I'll wait til I get to Aunt Sharon's house - but then it's only 55 minutes from home - why stop? Then I get even more tired - I don't want to talk to anyone - I don't want my family to look at me and see how tired I really am and how close I am to totally loosing it - yet I feel I jeopardized myself and 1000's of people on the road today by speeding and recklessly passing and driving while stupid and tired... (Is that a crime?)
I need to talk to my doctor about an anti-depressant as I don't think this one is working... I just want to go to sleep and not have to deal with anyone or anything for 5 years... or more...
I was driving home from Kincardine today - completely exhausted and thinking - I should have stayed at Dad's and napped - I'm seeing double... Then I should just pull over the car is nice and warm, I'll fall asleep no problem... Then I asked myself why I wasn't pulling over - maybe I'll wait til I get to Aunt Sharon's house - but then it's only 55 minutes from home - why stop? Then I get even more tired - I don't want to talk to anyone - I don't want my family to look at me and see how tired I really am and how close I am to totally loosing it - yet I feel I jeopardized myself and 1000's of people on the road today by speeding and recklessly passing and driving while stupid and tired... (Is that a crime?)
I need to talk to my doctor about an anti-depressant as I don't think this one is working... I just want to go to sleep and not have to deal with anyone or anything for 5 years... or more...
Dragonfly 6/05/2004 05:15:00 PM
1 Comments:
It was Robyn's Dance recital - the first time I've ever gotten to attend as they are usually during the week... BUT I have dreamt about going... Lots of DejaVu this week, especially at the recital.
That's why I was in Kincardine.
To be perfectly honest I thought you would read between the lines on that last post. I would most definitely have said I am in the midst of a depressive eppisode with suicidal thoughts and I should get some help and not be so stupid... The only smart thing I did was not drive to London to see LeeAnn and then drive back to the Falls... when I got here I set the bird backc up and went to sleep - horrible, frighteneing dreams. But when I awoke I felt much better. I finally managed to get some sleep last night as well and still feel better. YET I do not want to talk to anyone and I just want to be left alone - not good signs for me at all. I can't deal with stress and work is total stress... can I quit..
Did you know that bi-polar disorder qualifies as a mental disability and I could go on government support forever...
That's why I was in Kincardine.
To be perfectly honest I thought you would read between the lines on that last post. I would most definitely have said I am in the midst of a depressive eppisode with suicidal thoughts and I should get some help and not be so stupid... The only smart thing I did was not drive to London to see LeeAnn and then drive back to the Falls... when I got here I set the bird backc up and went to sleep - horrible, frighteneing dreams. But when I awoke I felt much better. I finally managed to get some sleep last night as well and still feel better. YET I do not want to talk to anyone and I just want to be left alone - not good signs for me at all. I can't deal with stress and work is total stress... can I quit..
Did you know that bi-polar disorder qualifies as a mental disability and I could go on government support forever...
