Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Forgive and Forget
Actions have consequences.
Not keeping your word has consequences as well.
There is nothing worse than being disappointed in someone. The fact that in a small or large way that person has left a negative impression on your life.
Of course these actions are forgivable.
To Forgive is divine, remember.
Yet, what do you do when the disappointments come repeatedly and the forgiveness is harder to find within yourself. What happens when the disappointments come from more than one person? Can there be a way to rediscover the trust that you have in a person? The disappointment begins to overwhelm, then it turns to oneself.
Maybe, just maybe, for once someone will come through, give truth to their words and finally follow through.
I just hope and wish that I am strong enough to forgive and forget.
Not keeping your word has consequences as well.
There is nothing worse than being disappointed in someone. The fact that in a small or large way that person has left a negative impression on your life.
Of course these actions are forgivable.
To Forgive is divine, remember.
Yet, what do you do when the disappointments come repeatedly and the forgiveness is harder to find within yourself. What happens when the disappointments come from more than one person? Can there be a way to rediscover the trust that you have in a person? The disappointment begins to overwhelm, then it turns to oneself.
Maybe, just maybe, for once someone will come through, give truth to their words and finally follow through.
I just hope and wish that I am strong enough to forgive and forget.
Labels: consequences, forgiveness
Dragonfly 2/14/2007 02:09:00 PM
| 3 people trying to cheer me up
| 
Friday, February 09, 2007
Desperation knows no bounds.
I’ve been bad before… I mean I have been really bad.
Maybe yesterday was just one of those emotionally stressful days and the power of it all was just too much for me to bear.
I think about my life and wonder where I am going to fit in. Where I will find a place that is so calming and relaxing I won’t have to deal with the unexpected overwhelming emotions that take over my brain.
Last night was the closest I have come to following through with the negative thoughts that have been known to consume me. Thanks God for Phoenix - she answered her phone and listened to me sob and vent for over an hour. She calmed me down, made me laugh and made it all seem better, for a while.
I’m still shaky and anxious today.
I want to be there for her at her grandfathers funeral, I’m just afraid that a very powerful care is not the best place for me to be now…. I could make it to the funeral in under an hour instead of the hour and a half it should take!
She understands, she says she isn’t disappointed in me for not coming. Right now I still can’t stop crying, I still can’t stop shaking, the pills aren’t working.
I know they will… but I’ve had about 3 hours sleep - maybe 4 and that in itself is not good enough.
I figured it out thought… I don’t hate my life.. I hate the life I have been given.
I would love to be a robot like one of my friends, but that life seems too extreme for me. Emotions are a necessary part of human existence, I just forget how to control them. That’s why I’m in therapy.
Phoenix… I love you. I am so sorry I am not going to be there. I don’t trust myself to drive alone.
I am so sorry you and your family have experienced this loss. Be strong and know that I am with you in spirit and that I WILL answer the phone if you need an ear to cry into.
***EDIT i've had a problem signing into Blogger, so this is a repeat post on an alternate blog - if you know where to look.
Maybe yesterday was just one of those emotionally stressful days and the power of it all was just too much for me to bear.
I think about my life and wonder where I am going to fit in. Where I will find a place that is so calming and relaxing I won’t have to deal with the unexpected overwhelming emotions that take over my brain.
Last night was the closest I have come to following through with the negative thoughts that have been known to consume me. Thanks God for Phoenix - she answered her phone and listened to me sob and vent for over an hour. She calmed me down, made me laugh and made it all seem better, for a while.
I’m still shaky and anxious today.
I want to be there for her at her grandfathers funeral, I’m just afraid that a very powerful care is not the best place for me to be now…. I could make it to the funeral in under an hour instead of the hour and a half it should take!
She understands, she says she isn’t disappointed in me for not coming. Right now I still can’t stop crying, I still can’t stop shaking, the pills aren’t working.
I know they will… but I’ve had about 3 hours sleep - maybe 4 and that in itself is not good enough.
I figured it out thought… I don’t hate my life.. I hate the life I have been given.
I would love to be a robot like one of my friends, but that life seems too extreme for me. Emotions are a necessary part of human existence, I just forget how to control them. That’s why I’m in therapy.
Phoenix… I love you. I am so sorry I am not going to be there. I don’t trust myself to drive alone.
I am so sorry you and your family have experienced this loss. Be strong and know that I am with you in spirit and that I WILL answer the phone if you need an ear to cry into.
***EDIT i've had a problem signing into Blogger, so this is a repeat post on an alternate blog - if you know where to look.
Labels: anxiety, depression, suicide
Dragonfly 2/09/2007 07:47:00 AM
| 1 people trying to cheer me up
|