Saturday, November 27, 2004
I actually had a hard time sleeping last night...
This is really weighing on my mind.
All the what if's...
What if I lose Friday/Saturday and only get to talk to J at 2 in the morning, and see him on his days off IF he come to NF to see me?
What if the panic attacks return while I'm at work on a busy Saturday night and I end up on more medications than I'm on now?
What if J decides to give me the ring earlier than planned, what are we going to do, where will I work, where will we live? (Is this one really that bad?)
What if I go back to work and I can't get control of the side effects from this medication, what if I can't feel the money? What if I can't remember transactions while doing them? What if I can't see the computer screen because my vision goes blurry and I make a mistake? All because I have to drink 2 - 3 litres of water a day (For you american's there's 4 litres in a gallon!)
I was awake last night with all this running continuously through my head when all I wanted was to go to sleep. I'm on a medical leave from work I shouldn't be stressing out about work, especialy when I haven't even been there in 3 months. Now I dread going back.
What does fate have in store for me?
Should I do my Tarot again?
Right now I'm supposed to be in the car going to see my dad and my Godchild - but I needed to vent. It was a long night. And I am going to be thinking about this all the way to Kincardine...
All the what if's...
What if I lose Friday/Saturday and only get to talk to J at 2 in the morning, and see him on his days off IF he come to NF to see me?
What if the panic attacks return while I'm at work on a busy Saturday night and I end up on more medications than I'm on now?
What if J decides to give me the ring earlier than planned, what are we going to do, where will I work, where will we live? (Is this one really that bad?)
What if I go back to work and I can't get control of the side effects from this medication, what if I can't feel the money? What if I can't remember transactions while doing them? What if I can't see the computer screen because my vision goes blurry and I make a mistake? All because I have to drink 2 - 3 litres of water a day (For you american's there's 4 litres in a gallon!)
I was awake last night with all this running continuously through my head when all I wanted was to go to sleep. I'm on a medical leave from work I shouldn't be stressing out about work, especialy when I haven't even been there in 3 months. Now I dread going back.
What does fate have in store for me?
Should I do my Tarot again?
Right now I'm supposed to be in the car going to see my dad and my Godchild - but I needed to vent. It was a long night. And I am going to be thinking about this all the way to Kincardine...
Dragonfly 11/27/2004 10:17:00 AM