Monday, April 18, 2005
Where do I go from here?
I seem to ask this a lot.
Probably because life is cyclical and avoiding a problem only brings it back around to be faced another day.
My relationship is not all it is cracked up to be.
I hate it actually, the distance, his lack of vehicle, his living at home, his lack of desire to leave home, the feeling that I am not respected or listened to when I speak. That he assumes I am going to wait for him forever... and that nothing is going to change and that nothing has too. Nor do we have to talk about it...
I have reached me breaking point.
I am tired of 4 minute phone conversations about absolutely nothing.
I am tired of finding out Wednesday that I won't be seeing him on Friday.
I am tired of always being the one who drives.
I hate that we can't be as close in Toronto at his parents house as we are here at mine, the comforts of home do not extend to their household...
I really don't want a wedding and he really does - how do we get past that... it isn't something I
can compromise on.
I am tired of having a weekend boyfriend - and joking about it!
I am tired of feeling rejected by him, not necessarily on weekends when he goes out with friends, but on birthdays and holidays when the gifts I recieve and the cards he gives me are so impersonal and not from the heart... all it takes are a few words and I have yet to hear them. He tells me he loves me all the time, so often it has lost all meaning. They are just words. Really... what do they mean and why does he love me... that is what I want to know.
I tried to break up with him this weekend - but all I got out was that I am unhappy and some of the reasons why. Nothing has changed. NOTHING! He probably thinks that everythiing wil be fine in a little while.
I am currently writing him a letter.
It is very long.
I may have to rewrite and edit.
I can get a little long-winded.
I have a lot to say when I am not under pressure.
I should just give him this blog address... that would work!!!
Weirdest break-up ever!
The saddest thing.
I'm OK.
I don't even cry about it anymore.
I don't need to... when something is over, you just know. I am finished with this, at least for now!
Probably because life is cyclical and avoiding a problem only brings it back around to be faced another day.
My relationship is not all it is cracked up to be.
I hate it actually, the distance, his lack of vehicle, his living at home, his lack of desire to leave home, the feeling that I am not respected or listened to when I speak. That he assumes I am going to wait for him forever... and that nothing is going to change and that nothing has too. Nor do we have to talk about it...
I have reached me breaking point.
I am tired of 4 minute phone conversations about absolutely nothing.
I am tired of finding out Wednesday that I won't be seeing him on Friday.
I am tired of always being the one who drives.
I hate that we can't be as close in Toronto at his parents house as we are here at mine, the comforts of home do not extend to their household...
I really don't want a wedding and he really does - how do we get past that... it isn't something I
can compromise on.
I am tired of having a weekend boyfriend - and joking about it!
I am tired of feeling rejected by him, not necessarily on weekends when he goes out with friends, but on birthdays and holidays when the gifts I recieve and the cards he gives me are so impersonal and not from the heart... all it takes are a few words and I have yet to hear them. He tells me he loves me all the time, so often it has lost all meaning. They are just words. Really... what do they mean and why does he love me... that is what I want to know.
I tried to break up with him this weekend - but all I got out was that I am unhappy and some of the reasons why. Nothing has changed. NOTHING! He probably thinks that everythiing wil be fine in a little while.
I am currently writing him a letter.
It is very long.
I may have to rewrite and edit.
I can get a little long-winded.
I have a lot to say when I am not under pressure.
I should just give him this blog address... that would work!!!
Weirdest break-up ever!
The saddest thing.
I'm OK.
I don't even cry about it anymore.
I don't need to... when something is over, you just know. I am finished with this, at least for now!
Dragonfly 4/18/2005 09:47:00 PM
1 Comments:
Wow, I missed a few posts for some reason. I am sorry to hear that your relationship is going so poorly. However, with everything you say it sounds like it would be for the best if you ended it. I can't believe he still lives with his parents. Sad, no matter what the reason. They make 1 bedroom apartments and lofts for that very reason. Jeez. And he wants to get married, but he has no vehicle or home of his own? Putting the cart before the horse, much?
