Tuesday, May 10, 2005
I didn't mean to...
I had a conversation with my best friend. It was the first time we have really talked since this fiasco with J started and the first time we have really connected in a while.
You know how it is, the guy gets in the way of all the conversations, and his best friend is her ex-H... but I digress...
My point is that she made a really good point.
The last year of my life I have been unhappy, and as my friend she has seen that and been unsure of how to help me. Telling me to leave him, and walk away might have made her appear to be saying that for personal reasons other than what was in MY best interest... so she chose to sit in the sidelines and wait for my to approach her for advice, or wait for fate to step in as it has now. For that I thank her.
She also reminded me that the first year and a half of my relationship were filled with great times and that is what I am mourning the loss of, because I have started mourning, I cry a LOT right now... she said that he is and was one of my best friends as her ex became hers and she had to mourn that loss as well... I was so busy trying to keep him out of my mind I forgot that we had something good that we couldn't hold on too and that is why I chose to leave him.
***WOW - that was a very long sentence... I should revise it - but I have to go to work. Sorry folks.
I was hoping that soon I would have no need for the 'negative' blog and that it's use would become a thing of the past. I was hoping to merge the two, or even delete this one in the next month... I doubt that will happen. I don't think I am slipping into a depressive cycle again. I believe I am in mourning over the loss of my friend, because as much as he wants to remain friends I question whether it will ever be the same. And that is sad...
You know how it is, the guy gets in the way of all the conversations, and his best friend is her ex-H... but I digress...
My point is that she made a really good point.
The last year of my life I have been unhappy, and as my friend she has seen that and been unsure of how to help me. Telling me to leave him, and walk away might have made her appear to be saying that for personal reasons other than what was in MY best interest... so she chose to sit in the sidelines and wait for my to approach her for advice, or wait for fate to step in as it has now. For that I thank her.
She also reminded me that the first year and a half of my relationship were filled with great times and that is what I am mourning the loss of, because I have started mourning, I cry a LOT right now... she said that he is and was one of my best friends as her ex became hers and she had to mourn that loss as well... I was so busy trying to keep him out of my mind I forgot that we had something good that we couldn't hold on too and that is why I chose to leave him.
***WOW - that was a very long sentence... I should revise it - but I have to go to work. Sorry folks.
I was hoping that soon I would have no need for the 'negative' blog and that it's use would become a thing of the past. I was hoping to merge the two, or even delete this one in the next month... I doubt that will happen. I don't think I am slipping into a depressive cycle again. I believe I am in mourning over the loss of my friend, because as much as he wants to remain friends I question whether it will ever be the same. And that is sad...
Dragonfly 5/10/2005 07:31:00 AM