Monday, May 02, 2005
Where there's a will...
I must admit, it has been a very interesting weekend.
Friday I saw the psychiatrist and she was not as surprised as I thought she would be to hear about my break-up as I thought she would be. In fact she has been waiting for this since August and expecting it since December, and wanted to know what the "trigger" was. yup... she's that good! I asked her why I am not devastated and she reminded me that I have been distancing myself from him, emotionally, since before Christmas and to really think about my actions since around that time... so I did...
I argued about gift giving and even driving to Toronto for his family, when I din't want to go there, I also said that I didn't want to exchange gifts with his side nor did I want him to buy for anyone on my side of the family (this was mostly because money has been so tight this year and also due to my dislike of the whole season and the message of Christmas getting lost in the gifts...) but of course I lost that argument and had to drive to Toronto and then to Windsor to see my family the next day... yippee to me! The New Years party that I chose not to go to at the last minute, the weekends that I didn't go to Toronto when I could have while on leave, and the weekends that I made plans with other friends so that I wouldn't have to see him. Telling him not to take my birthday off, or Valentines day, and that I wasn't doing anything for my b-day nor did I care whether or not he was here or there...
Basically, I am surprised he even stuck around as long as he did... I don't understand how he didn't see this coming.
My doctor also talked about my needing someone who is as independent as I am, knows what the real world is all about and what life is capable of throwing at you. Yes, life can throw you one mini-crisis after another (flat-tire, leaky cold cellar, overdrawn chequing account, short paycheque, sick cat/bird, birthday/wedding) but you deal with it and move on. J never understood that. He seemed to think that I was incapable of having a conversation after cleaning up the mold in the cold cellar, or crying about the inconvenience of the flat tire right after putting new tires on the car... I need to be with someone who will clean up after themselves and make a decision about what to make for dinner, make it and then clean up with out needing to discuss it with me first.
That, my friends, is why I am not devastated.
I have known, subconciously, for a while now that this relationship was not going to work and have just been holding on to it in hopes that I was wrong... but I hit my threshold and had to let go...
Now if only he would.
My friend Lee came to visit this weekend.
She's the one from London.
Very high maintainence friend.
Not a good idea to have a high maintenance friend come visit after dumping the high maintenance BF.
I know I said this last time I saw her - but I really don't know why I am friends with her sometimes.
She really irks me, and pushes my buttons.
Very selfish and insensitive to others (not that I expected it to be an all about me weekend) - but when I go to someone elses house for a weekend I go with clean clothes and I even pack an extra outfit just in case... she came here and EXPECTED to be able to do laundry... and she told me this at 10:30 at night no less. "I need these pants for tomorrow." she said. What could I say... she can only sleep with a fan on for white noise, never mind others hydro bills or anything. She said she would do the dishes, then washed the plates and forks and knives that were in the sink but left the pots and salad spinner that were on the stove (and she has the nerve to bitch when her BF does the same thing)... I don't get mad though, I should be greatful she offered to help at all. At least she got out of bed this trip.
She is moving to B.C. with her BF in June and I must admit that I am glad that she is going, but I don't think that she will be gone long. I told her that too. She is spoiled and I think she will miss her Dad too much and the security of knowing that if she needs anything he will be right there to help her. Maybe my telling her off will be her incentive to stay and make it work... stranger things have happened.
But I need to go to bed, or do my dishes... not sure which I will pick... probably bed... I am tired.
Friday I saw the psychiatrist and she was not as surprised as I thought she would be to hear about my break-up as I thought she would be. In fact she has been waiting for this since August and expecting it since December, and wanted to know what the "trigger" was. yup... she's that good! I asked her why I am not devastated and she reminded me that I have been distancing myself from him, emotionally, since before Christmas and to really think about my actions since around that time... so I did...
I argued about gift giving and even driving to Toronto for his family, when I din't want to go there, I also said that I didn't want to exchange gifts with his side nor did I want him to buy for anyone on my side of the family (this was mostly because money has been so tight this year and also due to my dislike of the whole season and the message of Christmas getting lost in the gifts...) but of course I lost that argument and had to drive to Toronto and then to Windsor to see my family the next day... yippee to me! The New Years party that I chose not to go to at the last minute, the weekends that I didn't go to Toronto when I could have while on leave, and the weekends that I made plans with other friends so that I wouldn't have to see him. Telling him not to take my birthday off, or Valentines day, and that I wasn't doing anything for my b-day nor did I care whether or not he was here or there...
Basically, I am surprised he even stuck around as long as he did... I don't understand how he didn't see this coming.
My doctor also talked about my needing someone who is as independent as I am, knows what the real world is all about and what life is capable of throwing at you. Yes, life can throw you one mini-crisis after another (flat-tire, leaky cold cellar, overdrawn chequing account, short paycheque, sick cat/bird, birthday/wedding) but you deal with it and move on. J never understood that. He seemed to think that I was incapable of having a conversation after cleaning up the mold in the cold cellar, or crying about the inconvenience of the flat tire right after putting new tires on the car... I need to be with someone who will clean up after themselves and make a decision about what to make for dinner, make it and then clean up with out needing to discuss it with me first.
That, my friends, is why I am not devastated.
I have known, subconciously, for a while now that this relationship was not going to work and have just been holding on to it in hopes that I was wrong... but I hit my threshold and had to let go...
Now if only he would.
My friend Lee came to visit this weekend.
She's the one from London.
Very high maintainence friend.
Not a good idea to have a high maintenance friend come visit after dumping the high maintenance BF.
I know I said this last time I saw her - but I really don't know why I am friends with her sometimes.
She really irks me, and pushes my buttons.
Very selfish and insensitive to others (not that I expected it to be an all about me weekend) - but when I go to someone elses house for a weekend I go with clean clothes and I even pack an extra outfit just in case... she came here and EXPECTED to be able to do laundry... and she told me this at 10:30 at night no less. "I need these pants for tomorrow." she said. What could I say... she can only sleep with a fan on for white noise, never mind others hydro bills or anything. She said she would do the dishes, then washed the plates and forks and knives that were in the sink but left the pots and salad spinner that were on the stove (and she has the nerve to bitch when her BF does the same thing)... I don't get mad though, I should be greatful she offered to help at all. At least she got out of bed this trip.
She is moving to B.C. with her BF in June and I must admit that I am glad that she is going, but I don't think that she will be gone long. I told her that too. She is spoiled and I think she will miss her Dad too much and the security of knowing that if she needs anything he will be right there to help her. Maybe my telling her off will be her incentive to stay and make it work... stranger things have happened.
But I need to go to bed, or do my dishes... not sure which I will pick... probably bed... I am tired.
Dragonfly 5/02/2005 10:40:00 PM
1 Comments:
I am so glad that you are fine with the break up. Rereading the things that happened over the last months really made me see that you were not happy in the relationship and that he was not right for you. I think it is great that you have ended it. Good for you.
I think your friend is a selfish little fool. C'mon, I need these pants for tomorrow? Well, tough shit, wear something else. The fan thing, well, I have to sleep with a humidifier and a fan...so never mind. Dishes, if you do one you do them all. Perhaps, you should tell her as well. I think you feel best when you just come out and say what you feel.
I hope all continues to get better as it seems to be and I will be waiting to hear it progress.
CHEERS!
I think your friend is a selfish little fool. C'mon, I need these pants for tomorrow? Well, tough shit, wear something else. The fan thing, well, I have to sleep with a humidifier and a fan...so never mind. Dishes, if you do one you do them all. Perhaps, you should tell her as well. I think you feel best when you just come out and say what you feel.
I hope all continues to get better as it seems to be and I will be waiting to hear it progress.
CHEERS!
