Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Up Close and Personal
My life is nothing if not interesting.
I have often said that I live a soap opera life without all the pregnancies and I don't sleep around or have multiple marriages... I mean really... There is only so much drama I can take.
And honestly, the drama finds me even when I don't want it.
I have been trying to lay low lately.
Things are bothering me with certain people in my life.
As always... Those people shall remain nameless as they have access to my blogs and ... Well... The shit has hit the fan enough.
Enough already I say.
I am tired of defending myself to the people that claim to be my friends and hiding my true feelings from these friends and family members just to placate the fragile emotions of everyone else.
Somewhere along the way I have exposed myself in such a way that everyone that is close to me knows how to use me. They know how to push all my buttons and play my emotions. My friends and family have the ability to send me into a depressed state very quickly by making me feel guilty for past actions.
I believe that some of them do it intentionally... Use my emotions to get what they want, without any regard to what the consequences would be.
I know that others have no idea what I really go through and in moments of their own self pity need to vent and choose to share their anguish.. Thus passing it on to me.
I know that I am too nice.
I give too much of myself to my friends and my family.
I believe that is why I have chosen to become so busy this year.
And why I am going to the gym so much.
I try to spare other people's feelings because I know how much being emotionally attacked can hurt. I try very hard not to attack others... I use my blog to vent my feelings instead of attacking individuals to their faces. (At this point I believe I should forgo this policy and just start telling everyone off as the blog archives have become a downfall too!)
But then again...
That's why they invented secret blogs.
But who said I have one of those.
Not me.
Nope.
Maybe I'll just become a mime.
And forgo speaking altogether.
I have often said that I live a soap opera life without all the pregnancies and I don't sleep around or have multiple marriages... I mean really... There is only so much drama I can take.
And honestly, the drama finds me even when I don't want it.
I have been trying to lay low lately.
Things are bothering me with certain people in my life.
As always... Those people shall remain nameless as they have access to my blogs and ... Well... The shit has hit the fan enough.
Enough already I say.
I am tired of defending myself to the people that claim to be my friends and hiding my true feelings from these friends and family members just to placate the fragile emotions of everyone else.
Somewhere along the way I have exposed myself in such a way that everyone that is close to me knows how to use me. They know how to push all my buttons and play my emotions. My friends and family have the ability to send me into a depressed state very quickly by making me feel guilty for past actions.
I believe that some of them do it intentionally... Use my emotions to get what they want, without any regard to what the consequences would be.
I know that others have no idea what I really go through and in moments of their own self pity need to vent and choose to share their anguish.. Thus passing it on to me.
I know that I am too nice.
I give too much of myself to my friends and my family.
I believe that is why I have chosen to become so busy this year.
And why I am going to the gym so much.
I try to spare other people's feelings because I know how much being emotionally attacked can hurt. I try very hard not to attack others... I use my blog to vent my feelings instead of attacking individuals to their faces. (At this point I believe I should forgo this policy and just start telling everyone off as the blog archives have become a downfall too!)
But then again...
That's why they invented secret blogs.
But who said I have one of those.
Not me.
Nope.
Maybe I'll just become a mime.
And forgo speaking altogether.
Dragonfly 2/08/2006 10:15:00 PM