Sunday, November 26, 2006
My Life as a Hermit has begun.
It's official.. I haven't left the house in 3 days and quite frankly I am terrified to walk out the door. I don't know why/ I know that nothing is going to happen.. It is completely irrational. But the thought of leaving the house brings me to tears... And brings on anxiety. Yes... An anxiety attack, shaking, crying, tears and all the bad stuff that goes along with it.
These are the times I hate my life, I hate my disorder and I hate that I can't get over this.
The pathetic thing is that these feelings are probably self-inflicted. I decided to come off my medication so that I can detox. The doctor is allowing it... knowing that I will go back on them in a month - after the lemonade diet experiment... But right now I need to do this.
She explained the problems with going off the meds right now... And I assume that is why I am terrified of leaving the house... But I didn't expect it so soon. I am not completely crazy... I just want a clean slate to start over with.
If only it wasn't so scary.
These are the times I hate my life, I hate my disorder and I hate that I can't get over this.
The pathetic thing is that these feelings are probably self-inflicted. I decided to come off my medication so that I can detox. The doctor is allowing it... knowing that I will go back on them in a month - after the lemonade diet experiment... But right now I need to do this.
She explained the problems with going off the meds right now... And I assume that is why I am terrified of leaving the house... But I didn't expect it so soon. I am not completely crazy... I just want a clean slate to start over with.
If only it wasn't so scary.
Dragonfly 11/26/2006 04:57:00 PM