Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Today is the Day
I feel like I have been emotionally raped. And I’m still in shock. I mean I went to the Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) specialist this morning for an assessment, basically to see whether or not I am a good candidate for this type of therapy. The questions were simple enough, based on the symptoms of anxiety, when my last major attack was, how I feel about specific things, my fears and worries, some thought patterns…
These are all things that I try not to think about. I acknowledge them when they are happening, but I don’t really think about them. Especially not at the same time, within the same hour and on the same day. I was vulnerable already this morning, walking into that appointment, but the first set of paperwork that I had to fill out made me feel vulnerable immediately… and it just got worse from there. The hardest hour I have spent since leaving work in November… and that includes Christmas.
Today is the day after an appointment with my psychiatrist in which she increased every medication I take. The feeling of vulnerability hasn’t quite gotten over that bruised ego yet, then this morning… I just want to curl up and sleep all day… forget that I even got out of bed at all.
It just doesn’t feel like I am ever going to be … um… fantastic.
I am stuck at fine.
F - freaked out
I - insecure
N - neurotic
E - emotional
(Guess that movie reference)
These are all things that I try not to think about. I acknowledge them when they are happening, but I don’t really think about them. Especially not at the same time, within the same hour and on the same day. I was vulnerable already this morning, walking into that appointment, but the first set of paperwork that I had to fill out made me feel vulnerable immediately… and it just got worse from there. The hardest hour I have spent since leaving work in November… and that includes Christmas.
Today is the day after an appointment with my psychiatrist in which she increased every medication I take. The feeling of vulnerability hasn’t quite gotten over that bruised ego yet, then this morning… I just want to curl up and sleep all day… forget that I even got out of bed at all.
It just doesn’t feel like I am ever going to be … um… fantastic.
I am stuck at fine.
F - freaked out
I - insecure
N - neurotic
E - emotional
(Guess that movie reference)
Dragonfly 1/09/2007 08:10:00 PM