Monday, September 26, 2011
Frustration isn't the right word
stuff is everywhere, it clogs hallways, stairs, laundry access and lives.
It is allowed freedom that persons inhabiting the "space" are denied.
It collects dust and disease, it is ignored and bypasses.
It is unhealthy and neglected.
Its very presence is expanding - as stuff begets more stuff.
This stuff begets otherwised wrongly named companions - like garbage.
Garbage that should be thrown away.
Garbage that rots and smells.
How can I be the only one to care that we are surrounded by garbage?
When did it become ok to live with garbage and stuff that makes you sick?
It has been brought to my attention that something in my environment is causeing he headache. As an expiriment I should spend some time away from this house and see if that helps my headache. I have somewhere to stay - R and the kids are not welcome there - my friends don't need that stress too... rest and relaxation are needed.
I dont know how to bring it up to R.
But after walking into the house to dirty dishes on the counter - even though the dishwasher is empty, garbage/food wrappers in the basement rec room area where food of any kind is not permitted, a backpack full of lunch containers - some containing food, and another random blanket from nanny's house... I am ready to just pack a bag and go there tonight...
I hate it here. I hate being the only one to lift a finger. I hate that the house is unsanitary. I hate that I don't have the time and energy to clean it properly. I hate that I can't eliminate the stuff that isn't mine. My resentment to this situation is making it hard to want to stay. Because I really don't want to stay. I want to be back in my little house. Where it is clean, and quiet and not blue... or pink. Where there is only my stuff and not the stuff of 4 accumulated households. I hate how powerless I feel in my inability to express this without crying or screaming. I hate that I am terrified to say this to him.
I am scared of hurting him. So scared that I am only making it harder on myself.
It is allowed freedom that persons inhabiting the "space" are denied.
It collects dust and disease, it is ignored and bypasses.
It is unhealthy and neglected.
Its very presence is expanding - as stuff begets more stuff.
This stuff begets otherwised wrongly named companions - like garbage.
Garbage that should be thrown away.
Garbage that rots and smells.
How can I be the only one to care that we are surrounded by garbage?
When did it become ok to live with garbage and stuff that makes you sick?
It has been brought to my attention that something in my environment is causeing he headache. As an expiriment I should spend some time away from this house and see if that helps my headache. I have somewhere to stay - R and the kids are not welcome there - my friends don't need that stress too... rest and relaxation are needed.
I dont know how to bring it up to R.
But after walking into the house to dirty dishes on the counter - even though the dishwasher is empty, garbage/food wrappers in the basement rec room area where food of any kind is not permitted, a backpack full of lunch containers - some containing food, and another random blanket from nanny's house... I am ready to just pack a bag and go there tonight...
I hate it here. I hate being the only one to lift a finger. I hate that the house is unsanitary. I hate that I don't have the time and energy to clean it properly. I hate that I can't eliminate the stuff that isn't mine. My resentment to this situation is making it hard to want to stay. Because I really don't want to stay. I want to be back in my little house. Where it is clean, and quiet and not blue... or pink. Where there is only my stuff and not the stuff of 4 accumulated households. I hate how powerless I feel in my inability to express this without crying or screaming. I hate that I am terrified to say this to him.
I am scared of hurting him. So scared that I am only making it harder on myself.
Dragonfly 9/26/2011 12:20:00 AM