Tales From the Dark Side

It always begins the same... the depression comes slowly, spinning slowly out of control. The anger at every little thing, the dis-satisfaction with things that would usually give me pleasure. Then there's the lack of motivation... the not wanting to cook, or clean or do laundry, but only stay in bed and mope and hide...

Its all different this time.
Probably because I am not depressed.
I am stressed.
I feel the need to cook and clean and do laundry - only becuase if I don't do it no one will, and i won't eat, nor will anyone else. I get out of bed because I don't want to stay in there all day - but it hurts me - my neck my shoulders my head - it all hurts. the pressure and pain of contact with the bed. It sucks.

I am angry becuase I feel that I am the only one that cleans, cooks, does laundry and pans anything...
I have to micro manage 3 other people in this house. I hate it.


I feel like I am ignored but the persons who "claims" to love me and that he takes me ad my presence for granted. I am not appreciated and that he doesn't give a shit how I feel as long as I don't complain too much...

I am supposed to be working out everyday, and losing weight. I am supposed to be stretching and relaxing. I have been told to study Yoga and haven't found time to start that.
When will I take everyones advice and look after me first. Maybe that 's why I am so pissed off all the time... no one else gives a shit about me, not even me...I have to start caring about me.

Being on the medication again scares me too. I am forgetful and scattered again at work. I have pins and needles in my hands and feet and am unbelievable thirsty all the time. I on't want to bitch and whine to anyone because that's all i seem to do.