Tales From the Dark Side

I don't know why I can't let it go. I almost feel like I am living a lie now. That I really don't have a headache, that I am just depressed and digging myself deeper and deeper into the lie. But I am not lying. I am in pain. I am getting better at ignoring it, keeping myself preoccupied enough that I don't notice it. But its always there... pounding, pressing, squeezing inside my brain. Sitting behind my eyes, making the images shimmer and wave. Making me tired, and dizzy and frustrated. There are so many things I want to do that I just don't have the enegy for. I want to walk, an bike and run. I want to train for something. I want to write without it being a task. I don't want to be on the medication anymore. It doesn't work. It never has. I am living a ginormous lie. Making myself believe that the meds work, that I am getting better, that it will be ok. For over 2 years I have been living like this. But really its been much longer than that. There has always been pain in my head. I just didn't acknowledge it unless it got really bad. How long is long enough? I don't want to be in pain anymore.

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