Monday, December 23, 2013
I will not get involved
that has to be my new mantra.
I am hurting myself
and I am hurting everyone around me with my actions, words and attitude.
Seriously, I don't even know who I am anymore.
I am really starting to hate the shell of a being I have become. Its not even me or who I want to be. I don't want to be a horrible evil step-mom... I don't even want to be their friends. I just want to live harmoniously. And I am the reason all is not well.
I need to ask my tenant to leave, so I can move back to my house and not be surrounded by the negativity and hate I feel here. All I feel is stress and it isn't helping me stay r be healthy mentally.
I don't even get to have fun with R anymore. Mind you that's not an easy thing to do being as he's stressed out and I have a fucking migraine.
Sorry honey - I have a headache has lost all meaning.
And now I have to fake my way through Christmas with his family, who I honestly don't want to see. I want to see my family. what 's so special about Christmas with family when you see them all the time. I see his family weekly. And they don't even like me so why should I bother.
I am so tired... of being used, of being wrong, of being alone, of being surrouded by annoying children. I am tired of watching behaviour that frankly, isn't good. If my friend acted they way they act I would have to walk away. and I don't want to bew freinds with a 13 year old.. or a 15 year old.. i need friends who are emotionally secure.. not children.
So I am not their parent, or their friend, that leaves me as roommate?? Roommate that cooks, and cleans after them... how is that fair.
This isn't what I want for my life. Or theirs
R just told me that it doesn't matter..
Dragonfly 12/23/2013 07:40:00 PM