Wednesday, December 04, 2013
This is getting old
I don't even know where to start.
I am tired of bitching and complaining about the same things...
B - is just getting into more and more trouble because he can't figure out how to deal with the things that are bothering him. So he lies, smokes, does drugs, gets into fights, makes bad decisions. He is failing all of his classes, and just doesn't care. And I can't say or do anything to help, guide or change how he feels.
A - keeps making the same mistakes over and over again, but she is so freaking smart. I think she takes being a blond way to close to heart.
R - is so stressed because of his children that he isn't taking care of himself and that scares me.
I am terrified of being left alone with the kids... and I am terrified of a life without him. I find myself losing control of my emotions whenever I see him stressed and upset. All I want to do is protect him.
And meanwhile... I have a fucking migraine that won't go away. No pain meds. No money. EI gave me 15 weeks of disability... that didn't even pay off the mastercard... its so scary.
I can't handle the pain. I just want to hide all the time, but that doesn't work well at all. Mood wise I am doing ok, I want to go out and do things, go places, but the pain is so bad that I last about an hour and then I am done.
I am starting to hate my life. I want to go back to work, but I don't think I can fake being ok through a shift...
I don't see or talk to anyone except the people I share a house with, and L because she makes herself available. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss going to the movies. I miss going out for lunch and chatting with people.
I miss my life. Because the existance I find myself in right now, isn't a life. There are no levels of joy or enjoyment. Its an existance surrounded, and based on pain. And it sucks.
Dragonfly 12/04/2013 02:13:00 PM