Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Wait?! What?!
Its not that its starting again.
Those thoughts, the dark scary ones... but they do appear. And I have the ability to acknowledge the situation surrounding it. Ok, so the pain is bad today... and I had an eye appointment, so lights, focusing etc... it intensified the pain significantly. Then I had to drive home... and that same dark thought appeared... Let there be an accident that takes me out too.
I immediately acknowledge that this only happens when 1)I am driving and 2) I am in a lot of pain. I reminded myself that 'I am almost home' and I can lie down and rest and the pain might dissipate...
So... .yay me... I calmed myself down.
And then I acknowledged that I am lonely. And I am anti-social. I asked myself why. And my answer - the most interesting thing about me is that I have a migraine. And no one cares. Honestly, I don't even care about it anymore. And the next most interesting thing about me is that my step-son may be a drug addict - at least his behaviour can easily lead one in that direction. And frankly, I don't want to talk about that. He's not my kid. (and No, his father has not called to set up counseling for that boy yet.)
And then I think about food... Taco Bell, Subway, McDonalds etc... and realize, I am a secret binge eater. And the only reasons I don't do it are the gluten intolerance/celiac... and I don't have the money, and I don't want R to see those purchases on the credit card. Fascinating really.
my life... secrets, embarrassment and pain.
Dragonfly 2/11/2014 12:08:00 PM