Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Have I Given Up?
I feel like I have reached the end of my tolerance. I can't handle the pain anymore. All I want to do is curl up in my bedroom with the curtains closed and hide in the dark... and cry.
I've had enough.
I don't wnat o do this anymore.
I don't want to feel like my head is in a vice.
I hate the stabbing needle shooting pain through my skull.
It keeps happening, all the time... literally for years now, and I am done.
Despondent, and beaten down.
No. I am not suicidal. I am not going to do anything stupid, permanent or unforgiveable.
I know because I want to have my life back.
I want to go to work, and go to lunches with friends. I want to go visit family and stay for more than 3 hours without needing to hide from the pain. I want to get int he car and drive to see my dad, or my neices and nephews... because I haven't actually spent time with them in years... my nephew doesn't know who I am.
I want MY LIFE BACK!
the pain has beaten me to a pulp this week...
I am terrified that the botox won't work, that May 7th will just be a waste of time and money. and I won't get to be me ever again.
i don't know how to fight the pain anymore. My brain won't cognate the pain.
Dragonfly 4/22/2014 11:46:00 AM