Saturday, April 25, 2015
Fear Begets Fear
And I am afraid.
All the time.
About so many different things.
I am afraid that because I am not in my house yet and still with R that the boy will freak out and yell at me... I am afraid of that confrontation. Especially if I can't control my reaction, the words I would spew at that boy.
I am afraid that R is showing me love and sweetness and affection, but has determined that when I am out of his house he will no longer have to see me or talk to me.
I am afraid of being alone. I can't convince myself that I will be ok in that house, I am afraid I won't make it.
I am afraid that I really have caused all this, that my not babying the kids and giving in to their every whim has caused this.
I am afraid that once I leave he won't follow through with anything, the kids won't get help/therapy. I am afraid that there won't be healthy food/meals prepared for them. That they will be overweight and develop the heart disease that R's family has... and R for that matter.
I am afraid that I will lose him.
I am afraid that he has already let me go... he just hasn't said it yet.
Dragonfly 4/25/2015 11:46:00 AM