Sunday, May 03, 2015
I am not OK
So, Thursday was the big, official move. My first night and day in the house by myself. R left around 2pm after he did a couple of jobs for me. He kissed me, said he loved me and was out the door.
I did some organizing... checked in on my poor Dagger who was terrified and hiding under the bed. Asia was just exploring.
Its been a difficult adjustment, but they have come out of their shells quicker than I thought. Dags has been playing and enjoying going outside now. Asia is cuddly and nosy as ever... she has also developed the wonderful ability to get out of her harness, sort of. needless to say they need to be supervised.
and then there's me. i'm barely sleeping, emotional and so very unhappy. The feelings of abandonment havent changed, I get texts from him and that's all. Hee says I need to rest, asks if I am sleeping. And he asked me out for dinner tomorrow night... during the 2 hour window that A is at cheer practice. 2 hours. That's all I get.
I don't even know what I am going to do or say.
I am a wreck, I am too emotional to deal with this.
I almost quit my job last night because I feel like I am being ignored /bullied by fellow associates.
My head is bothering me, I am exhausted and I am unwanted.
And I am eating like crap, therefore feeling like crap.
I have decided that tomorrow I start eating better... no more junk, no chocolate or doritos. I have candy here, but usually I am good with only eating a couple of pieces at a time. I need to take care of myself. I want to take care of myself, I am worth being healthy. Besides... if I end up being alone, then I better be prepared to find someone else.
But I am not ok.
This is not ok.
I never thought I would be unhappy in my own house.
Yet... I am.
Dragonfly 5/03/2015 05:21:00 PM