Saturday, June 06, 2015
I Live in my Head
And I hate it there.
I am so tired of having the same conversations to him, and the boy, inside my head. The story only changes slightly when I manage to get the snippits of info out of R that I get. I am exhausted, and lonely, angry and devastated, depressed and rejected all at once... that that is how the dialogue goes... My trying to make sense of this with all of the assumptions that I am making to be his (their) responses.
Its enough to drive me insane.
And I know that I am pushing... and not pushing hard enough.
Am I holding on because I truly love him, or am I holding on out of fear?
Regardless I am afraid, and I don't know how to be, act, or survive.
I live in my head, and I live there alone, screaming, crying, begging for him to talk to me, to provide insight, and help me see reason...
he hasn't started answering me there...
yett.
Dragonfly 6/06/2015 09:50:00 PM