Monday, June 15, 2015
Something to talk about
I feel the need to update, check iin with myself.
I aam not ok.
But I am better than I was.
The crying is better, I still get sad, teary, but its isn't that I am crying as much.
But I have come to some realizations. I still don't get asked how my day has been, I am still largely ignored. So I have changed my approach, I don't text constantly and expect him to respond. I ask him how his day is, wish him a wnderful day. And I don't expect responses. I don't ask when I will see him, I wait for him to ask me... except when I am horny.. so I asked him to come see me. After a wonderfully fulfilling sex session I asked if we should come up with a code for sex.. and he said no code, just ask for sex... hahaha... I don't know why its so funny to me, but it is.
So, I wait for him to ask e questions, ask to see me, ask me to dinner... and I have calmed down. Because I have stopped expecting him to talk to me.
I worry about money, I worry about hours, and I worry about the house falling apart around me. Andd I have decided that I need to stop worrying.
I see a lawyer on Thursday. For an interim separation agreement. I need to be able to change my address, i guess it needs to be official. But mostly I am protecting myself. I need to make sure that my medical needs are covered. Otherwise I truly am in trouble.
This isn't ideal. It isn't a relationship that fulfills all of my needs, not all of his needs are being met either. He believes he is doing the right thing by focusing on his children, but I see him not asking questions, not providing guidance. He seems to be drifting hoping that everything will smooth itself out.
I am not ok. I llive alone, and in a protective shell, isolated from my friends and "family". Where I don't get asked how I am anymore... by anyone.
Dragonfly 6/15/2015 04:30:00 PM