Saturday, August 29, 2015
Dominant Thoughts
I woke up this morning thinking about R's sister... actually her kids, Z in particular. That kid is highly logical, like me, and highly prone to stress, anxiety, and panic attacks. She is 9. What have they been saying to her? what does she think of me??
I realized if I ever ran into her (it is possible we live in the same city now), I would have to say the truth - because I promised never to lie to her...
and the truth is...
Everything is messed up.
I love R very very much, and things have gotten out of hand - so much so that I don't recognize my life anymore.
I am deeply unhappy to be apart from him, and I wish things had gone differently.
If there is meant to be a future for us, it will happen, but right now this is the path our lives have gone.
I love him... and need him to be happy, I need him to heal, and I need him to take care of his children.
I'm sorry that I let him down, it wasn't intentional, it was by no means a deliberate betrayal, I was only doing what he suggested, what he said in regards to his family.
I just don't know what to do anymore.
Whatever twilight zone train I am on... i really want to get off.
Dragonfly 8/29/2015 09:33:00 AM