Tuesday, September 08, 2015
Burdens and Lost Dreams.
I always wanted a full house... friends dropping by, tea, games night, movie nights... i wanted kids and thier friends hanging out... me feeding an army every night. I wanted that comraderie, that companionship, that chaos... organized of course. I wanted a house full of people and laughter. I wanted to be the place the kids came for safety, comfort and food.
I am mourning the loss of that dream... I am having a hard time envisioning it as a future... i still see him, I still want him... he's the one I want by my side.
At what point do you admit that the vision you had for your future is literally a pipe dream??? How can you find someone with the same vision that is willing to work with you for a lasting relationship.
Myy friends are all in far of places... across the country, and busy with their own lives. I feel terribly alone, the "friends" here just don't want to hear it, they dont want to know about my struggles... they too have stopped asking. I cant talk it out. I am burdening everyone, and no one.. because I am not talking about it. Mostly because they don't ask.
The stress of the wedding and shower is heavy... weighing heavily on my mind. I regret saying I would do it.. I feel I was not given a choice... of course I would take over the shower, It is a relatively easy job... but the wedding... that is too much. I can't get the thoughts about the crowd, the photos, the hair... its all too much. I don't think it will be fun or relaxed... frankly Bridezilla is going to make it ... well... heavily.
Dragonfly 9/08/2015 05:32:00 PM