Tales From the Dark Side

Cat woke me up walking around my head and crying... When I got out of bed the room spun and the pain was intense - FULL BLOWN MIGRAINE. Put the cat outside, took my mess and that was the start of my day.

Got ready to go run some errands, received a text from S... She wanted to know if I was home and I said I was working later and was out doing errands. She said to text when I was home so she could drop something back to me... 40 minutes later she texted asking where I was because she was at my house... I was so freaking angry - THIS GIRL has been pushing me all week... She didn't pay for her meal when went out, she is trying to get me to stop talking to L because I was upset about the way she treated me before and after her wedding. She's pushing me to the point where I WANT to walk away from her the way she walked away from me when she moved to Australia... She came back and has no one else and now she is trying to keep me from other people... I don't like her that much anymore.

Then I was making myself some macaroni salad to take to work and spilled the juice from 2 cans of tuna all over the floor. So now the house smells because the towels and clothes I used I left wet (rinsed) and I lightly wiped the floor... But the smell continues. Gah...

Seriously wanted to walk to work because it's one of those day I should have just stayed in bed... Worried about the integrity of my car. 

One of those days.

Frustration, and fear.

And meanwhile the sadness persists... I miss him, I hate being alone, I don't want to walk away from "friends" because what would I have left then... More sadnes and loneliness... Shitty friends are better than no friends...

I'm tired. I'm scared. I am so worried... The usual: money, job, car, house repairs, dad, my aging cats... I worry. What happens if I get sick... Who will help me, what will I do????

The fear is real. I need it to stop consuming me.