Saturday, December 05, 2015
The Bigger Picture.
i am miserable. I know I am miserable because I feel miserable, tired, achy, annoyed, teary, with an over-active mind all the time. I am not busy enough to keep myself occupied. And all anyone talks about is Christmas... Whicch immediately turns me into a grinch.
I want nothing to do with it. I have no family close by that would include me in anything, no money to buy gifts - and even if I give artwork I still have to buy frames and wrapping paper. November was insanely expensive - between the car, botox and groceries, the peircing and the trip to the states... I overspent, and now there is nothing left. Emergency fund depleted, medical funds gone, and ive added to my own stress. Im not even working the amount of hours I thought I would be. So I'll sit at home and not do anything. Not talk to anyone because they just don't get it, they don't care, they think I am depressed and just need to hang out with them and their family - eating whatever food they provide that they think is gluten-free.
My issue is that I am alone, I have no comfort, I had a family of my own and now they are gone... I have been forgotten and abandoned. I thought I had my forever family, and I am back in this shitty house, all alone. My heart breaks everyday because I still love him, I still want him, and I know I can never have him, and never take him back.
Then there's the weirdness that happened this week... he Facebook poked my sister and my BFF. He is not "friends" with either one of them on Facebook. He creeped my friends list and searched them out, at the time the notifications came in he was at work, on break... what the hell??? Too much of a coward to call/text/email me himself. Whatever his plan was didn't work as neither J or my sister, or myself has acknowledged the cowardly male... what the hell????
Dragonfly 12/05/2015 09:34:00 AM