Sunday, December 27, 2015
The Inevitability of Death
Its hard to think about it, harder to imagine it at all, the truth of the situation.
My Dad is dying. It is a conscious act now, stopping treatments, looking for hospice, the decision to go into a palliative coma until his poor, tired organs cease to function. He has fought for 2 years, and I barely saw him, my father and I were not the best communicators, he never could figure out how to engage me, and I was always terrified of him. My sister had everything under control, as she does now, I was no help… just as I will be no help now. But I go because soon, he won't be there for me to try to feed. Its not that I am not expecting it, its always been going to happen. Its that this time we have a general idea of when…
I wish he could go out with a bang… enjoying his last party, drinking too much, laughing until his sides hurt, dancing with the woman he loves… I wish there were more pictures of the good times.
Its too late for that, there is no more time.
My father is dying. It is not even a choice. It is inevitable.
My Dad is dying. It is a conscious act now, stopping treatments, looking for hospice, the decision to go into a palliative coma until his poor, tired organs cease to function. He has fought for 2 years, and I barely saw him, my father and I were not the best communicators, he never could figure out how to engage me, and I was always terrified of him. My sister had everything under control, as she does now, I was no help… just as I will be no help now. But I go because soon, he won't be there for me to try to feed. Its not that I am not expecting it, its always been going to happen. Its that this time we have a general idea of when…
I wish he could go out with a bang… enjoying his last party, drinking too much, laughing until his sides hurt, dancing with the woman he loves… I wish there were more pictures of the good times.
Its too late for that, there is no more time.
My father is dying. It is not even a choice. It is inevitable.
Dragonfly 12/27/2015 10:55:00 AM