Saturday, February 20, 2016
Fear?? Really??
I haven't heard from him. And I realize that I am actually afraid to contact him about anything important... He has trained me to expect a negative reaction when something important needs to be spoken about. I have a question about logistics, and I am afraid to talk to him.. I don't know how I can say or word anything that won't elicit anger in him. Why??? Was it really an abusive relationship? Did I truly become his doormat? Someone to do only his bidding even though he gave the right words to say I was making my own decisions???
I know I am away from him. I know it shouldn't matter anymore.
MY reaction, this feeling of fear and nervousness about having to talk to him is disturbing to me.
What the hell?!
I am responding like I have suffered from this abuse my whole life. I am seriously petrified aobut having to make contact... Especially since being completely ignored when I wished him a happy birthday.
Why am I afraid?
My needing to contact him is all about money. I don't have any. I need the refund from the money I put out. To do that I need to talk to him. And I am afraid.
Dragonfly 2/20/2016 12:14:00 PM