Tales From the Dark Side

When I returned back to work, I was accommodated for start times no later than 3pm. Since I returned another associate has the same note.
A fellow associate went to the office and complained saying that because 2 cashiers have all the 3pm starts that no one else would get and early out.
I was then approached by the shift supervisor and told that I would only be eligible for an early out on my Friday unless business demands did not allow someone with a later start to go home early.
This really didn't bother me at the time as I come to work fully expecting to be there for 8 hours. I don't take early outs as a general rule. (frankly my budget demands I work my full paycheck.
However there are times when the 8 hours is too much, back pain, exhaustion, mood sometimes makes it necessary for me to ask to go home early.
Because of the "rule" I am not given the opportunity to take an early out. I have to go to medical and request to go home, thus losing and E-day.

So yesterday... I was in a cage where there were 2 of us with a 3pm start. we both signed the EO (I was having a bad day) and when 10 pm came around (less than 1 hour left in shift) an EO was granted. to the other cashier. I felt that as we both started at the same time there should have been a draw.
there wasn't. I was forced to stay.

Like I said, normally this wouldn't bother me. I stay my shifts.
but i was in pain and once again the words said to me were "if you aren't feeling good you can go to medical and request to go home."


Yesterday was the first time I have truly cried in 6 months.
And sadly, it hasn't stopped.
i woke with a migraine at 7am, went back to sleep and am felling slightly better.
I am going to go to work anyway.

my thought for "revenge" is to start getting OT daily. Slowing down. "forgetting" to enter transactions so that when it is time to balance it takes more than 45 minutes.
If I am to be "punished" for having a medical condition then I will take full advantage of the opportunities available to me.

Of course I say that - but will never follow through. i take too much pride in my stupid job.

Labels: frustration, priviledge, revenge

It's starting again.
that dark time of year. Where all I want to do is hibernate: sleep all day, stay warm and cozy in bed and hide from the rest of the world.
I hate it.
more than I can express.

Dr T isn't back yet. It's been 10 months since she went on leave.
10 months is a long time. I want to come off the medication, so I can purge my body, purify and actually have a chance at losing weight.
It's unbelievable hard when I crave food constantly. Sadly food makes my stomack hurt. a lot!
Its not the medication, its the side effects. I can't handle the side effects any more. Mind you, there are worse things.

This is the time of year that I stop caring about myself. Driving into telephone poles seems like a viable solution. Walking home at night doesn't phase me as I don't care if I live or die.
I can't cry, becasue I can't vocalize the issues underneath the feelings.
I can't scream, cause there's nothing to cry about.

i hate this time of year.