Tales From the Dark Side

telling Melissa that I stopped taking my meds has made her stop talking to me. I havne't even told her about Rob.
She didn't answer my text yet...
It's all big secret.
part of me wishes I had lied and not told her anything.
Lisa doesn't even know the whole thing. she thinks I am half on my meds...

I need to make a Dr's appt and get into a psychiatrist I doubt that Dr. T is ever coming back. that disappoints me.

Is this a cry for help???
I am hugely overwieght, almost alone and have been for way to long.
Now I am allowing myself to have feelings for someone because he has shown an interest in me. Not exactly the way I wanted my relationship to be. but he does make me smile and laugh out loud about everything.

i wish I would start to feel better soon.
Still shaky and pins and needly - water tastes weird _metallic) not sleeping solidly through the night. Vomitting and really nauseous all the times. would like to be able to brush my teeth without throwing up. it negates the purpose of brushing teeth.

I don't want to go to work today. I hate being at CN downstairs... adn I am always there. it gets terribly annoying and boring.
altough my 80 year od stalker should come visit me today.

I have finally given up.
The medication - though great at keeping me stable has also been keeping me form enjoying life. Things aren't fun.. Stress is still stress, annoying people are still annoying people.
Upon returning home from my first diving trip away I stopped taking my pills... i sort of slowly came off the seroquel but not being able to keep track of my daily pills am not really sure what I took and how often.

Unfortunately the side effects of the chemicals leaving my system are worse than the side effects during.
Right now my body is on fire - pins and needles throughout. Water would help but unfortunately it tastes metallic again.
Everything I eat makes me nauseous. I can't sleep without other drugs so clonazepam is still my friend). my sleep is sketchy and weird.
I took today off so I could catch up on sleep and hopefully feel better.

I have no idea how long this will last.
I am looking forward to it being gone.

I am also starting a weight loss product and after 60 days I will get a cheque for $1500 that will help after the fiasco with the furnace and mortgage. anything to help. besides I look like a manatee and would prefer not too...