Saturday, February 14, 2015
Rant of a 16 year old boy.
This is what I imagine he says to his friends, his grandmother, any one who will listen - except the people that matter...
This is bullshit. I'm 16 and don't have my licence. I'm stuck in this crappy house forced to go to school and I can't even eat what I want. I have no money, and my fucking dad and his asshole girlfriend don't give me any money. I do everything around here. I have to put out the garbage on Thursday nights. And I have to load the dishwasher every other nights. And now that bitch isn't even doing that if I don't do it. I used to leave the dishes and she would fucking do them. Lazy cunt bitch making me do my fucking chores and not paying me a god damn cent. Assholes both of them. I wish I could move out, but no matter how big of an ass I am my dad won't kick me out so I don't get student welfare.
What do you mean, get a job? Why? They owe me. My mom dies and my dad is an asshole. I don't need a job, student welfare has to give me money. I just have to get my dad to kick me out. How many motherfucking holes do I have to put in the walls before he throws me out of this fucking house.
So what, I got money for Christmas, and my burthday and I didn't go get my g1. Eventually someone will pay for it. I can spend my gift money however I fucking want and there's nothing anyone can fucking do about it.
My plan... I have a plan... Steal anything of value from the house. Break shit, skip class... Treat everyone like shit because they don't understand shit about me... And bide my time til I can get the fuck out of here.
Good luck boy, good luck.
It's too bad I have no sympathy for you anymore.
Dragonfly 2/14/2015 08:00:00 PM
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Tuesday, February 03, 2015
Something is happening, I can't explain.
Today I have awakened with a horrible attitude "just leave me the fuck alone". I can't figure out where its coming from either.
Its been a tough week... a tough couple of weeks actually.
I am disappointed in my father for starting chemo again... I know he is hurting and scared, and that he might not be ready to go yet... but the chemo is worse than the cancer. I never thought he was a coward... and it hurts.
I have been refusing to clean up after Rob's children. to the point where I am not even making dinner. There is so much waste going on and its is driving me crazy. My mantra has become "this isn't my house, they aren't my kids, its not my problem." Not a day goes by without me saying it. And I haven't told Rob. In fact we aren't talking about anything right now. Barely any conversation. I am so terribly lonely.
My birthday is coming. And I feel like I have no one to celebrate with. I don't even want to "celebrate". I just want to do something. Anything.
I also feel like I have forgotten how to have fun. I really have no one to be silly with. L is so serious all the time, it can be very draining. And she's the only one here.
I miss Jan so much... it was so easy to just be around her... same interests, same booze, same movies/tv, shopping, sushi... she complements me, and I miss her.
L and I can talk for hours... about everything. Its easy. and she's so far.
I see Mel at work occasionally and it breaks my heart... every time. She chose to walk away from our friendship, it was her choice, but I am the one hurting. I don't know what's going on with her, if she's ok, if her husband is hurting her, I have no idea. And it pains me. And I see her at work and she looks right through me. I realize I don't like being invisible. I have been for so long. and she is choosing to pretend I don't exist. Unfortunately for her... I do.
I think of myself as a writer, but I don't write. I want to be crafty, but it requires concentration I just don't have right now. I don't want to exercise, I don't want to be inside. I want to be busy, but I binge watch tv. I am reading again, but the books are sad. I am truly bored and under stimulated. And I am lonely, but I don't go anywhere or call anyone, because I just don't want them to know. Is this my life, or just the season... right now.
Reading this, seeing it all written down, I now understand my mood. My mind is soup, and I can't deal with it right now.So that is why I say just fuck off and leave me the hell alone.
Its been a tough week... a tough couple of weeks actually.
I am disappointed in my father for starting chemo again... I know he is hurting and scared, and that he might not be ready to go yet... but the chemo is worse than the cancer. I never thought he was a coward... and it hurts.
I have been refusing to clean up after Rob's children. to the point where I am not even making dinner. There is so much waste going on and its is driving me crazy. My mantra has become "this isn't my house, they aren't my kids, its not my problem." Not a day goes by without me saying it. And I haven't told Rob. In fact we aren't talking about anything right now. Barely any conversation. I am so terribly lonely.
My birthday is coming. And I feel like I have no one to celebrate with. I don't even want to "celebrate". I just want to do something. Anything.
I also feel like I have forgotten how to have fun. I really have no one to be silly with. L is so serious all the time, it can be very draining. And she's the only one here.
I miss Jan so much... it was so easy to just be around her... same interests, same booze, same movies/tv, shopping, sushi... she complements me, and I miss her.
L and I can talk for hours... about everything. Its easy. and she's so far.
I see Mel at work occasionally and it breaks my heart... every time. She chose to walk away from our friendship, it was her choice, but I am the one hurting. I don't know what's going on with her, if she's ok, if her husband is hurting her, I have no idea. And it pains me. And I see her at work and she looks right through me. I realize I don't like being invisible. I have been for so long. and she is choosing to pretend I don't exist. Unfortunately for her... I do.
I think of myself as a writer, but I don't write. I want to be crafty, but it requires concentration I just don't have right now. I don't want to exercise, I don't want to be inside. I want to be busy, but I binge watch tv. I am reading again, but the books are sad. I am truly bored and under stimulated. And I am lonely, but I don't go anywhere or call anyone, because I just don't want them to know. Is this my life, or just the season... right now.
Reading this, seeing it all written down, I now understand my mood. My mind is soup, and I can't deal with it right now.So that is why I say just fuck off and leave me the hell alone.
Dragonfly 2/03/2015 10:16:00 AM
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