Tuesday, November 24, 2015
Despair thy name is Pain
I'm tired of this. The effing migraine that won't go away. I was hoping that the move would make it easier... all its don't is lessen the degree of pain, which is wonderful... except for right now.
The Botox has worn off - was actually gone 2 weeks ago. So I am in full pain mode, and me being the stubborn bitch that I am don't want to take the Cambia on a daily basis because it kills my stomach.
Im having trouble focusing both eyes, one is always blurry, like I am looking through a glass full of water, the other is tired. My brain can't focus on conversations, can't remember if I have told someone something already - so I feel like a crazy person repeating myself all the time. I am very short tempered, people easily piss me off, and I know that I over-react to everything. And I want to throw up... all the time, even with the medication. So I don't want to eat, and I don't want to drink... which doesn't help the situation at all.
I also don't want to move... the dizziness is frightening... so walking is out of the question. So is driving unless absolutely necessary. So I stay home, hoping nothing comes up... not wanting to talk on the phone, because it hurts.
And wanting someone to remind me to drink, and rub my back/neck/shoulders, to tuck me in... because i hurt, and I am alone.
Just 2 more days until the botox... 47 hours until my appointment... 9 days until the pain recedes, and my life can return to the new normal.
Dragonfly 11/24/2015 09:38:00 AM
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The One That Got Away
I was talking to J about her reconnecting via FaceBook and text with a guy from her past... the one that she had the ultimate chemistry with... the one that she has never forgotten, that circumstances didn't allow her to be with, whom has now returned but is physically over 4000km away. She has been searching for him (or someone comparable) for almost a decade. And she asked who my "one that got away would be"... and I realized... I don't have one... unless you count R. There was never that guy in high school, nor one on college... not even as an adult. I have never pined for a guy. One friend suggested Mark - I crushed on him at work for a very long time... what she didn't realize is that I sucked it up, got the courage and asked him out... and he turned me down. So crush over. He never got away because he said no.
How interesting that I am not that girl. I don't long for anyone, I don't put myself out there emotionally. I always have strived for the ones who are emotionally unavailable, guys that are gay, or married. Until R... and he pursued me. And I fought him, and he kept trying, kept calling, and messaging, saying all the things every girl wants to hear. He sat on my legs, pinned me down and asked me to let him in... and I did. And I fell hard.
Then excrement hit an air distribution device... and now he is gone. Not my choice, not my decision, not how I pictured my life to be. So he's my one that got away... only difference is that I will never take him back.
Dragonfly 11/24/2015 09:27:00 AM
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