Tales From the Dark Side

I find it interesting that I haen't been writing. It's supposed to be therapy for me. But as it turns out I have absolutey nothing to say. The things that I wonder about are the same things I have questioned for years. The obvious "Will I ever get my weight under control?" "Is there a medication out there that will stabalize me, and how long till we find it?" "what am I going to do if I Can't return to work?"

But these things are almost out of my control. I have a basic plan if I get offered the buyout at work... a medical office assistant and then a job wherever... I think I will even move to Windsor to be around my family. My weight I have some control over, and I am watching what I put in my body... at least since Christmas, but even then I didn't eat badly at all. Pretty good for me! And the medication question... I know there is something, but there's only so many things I can take at once, so... the try and try again game continues! Next up Wellbutrin! hurray? I guess.


So what have I been doing?
Napping, spending money I don't have (stupid Christmas), napping, playing with the cat, napping, being annoyed by the bird, and did I mention napping. I think I've read a few books too, that's why there's so much napping. Being on leave is getting really really boring. Going to group (every Thursday) is just as aggravating too. Yes - the techniques are interesting. Yes - I have learned more about the disorder itself. Yet having them tell me that the way to ward off boredom is too go to the library, or the gym, or skating, or a walk. I know I can do all those things... but I don't want o do them alone. I long for human intellectual interaction. My friends have nothing to say to me anymore, I have no interesting stories. None... it's a very boring existence.
Very boring indeed.

Labels: babble, bi-polar, life

Sometimes we all do things simply because of the desired consequences. Like eating more fibre... you know what the effect is.

Well.. my stomach has been ... well ... brutal. Bloated, painful, the essence of IBS that I am periodically plagued with.
I am eating my veggie soup, and my oatmeal with extra fibre in the morning... but it just gets worse and worse.
So yesterday I did the one thing that actually makes my stomach feel 100% better.
I had some freshly brewed coffee.
Unfortunately it wasn't decaf, and I had 3 cups.
Needless to say it was after 6am when I finally fell asleep... and I woke up at 10am.
I have an exam to study for and I know if I take a nap I will not sleep tonight.

The problem... so tired I can't think... in english - let alone in french!
gggrrrr

And - I may be on a leave of absence from work, but it seems the convenience of being off is very quickly filling my calender.
I am taking off for 2 and a half weeks to babysit my brother and my nieces, while my sis-in-law is in Italy.
I agreed to have a friend stay here for a night (with her son) then drive them and all their crap to the airport the next day. The good thing is it's an official move and she isn't coming back!
Then - another friend asked my to housesit in June while she is on vacation - which I think is at the same time I have been asked to help with the dog who lives upstairs cause my landlady is going for surgery and the "baby" needs its medicine.
Plus I want to go to Montreal to see family and practice my french skills... and everyone wants me to go to Kincardine to see them as I haven't been home in FOREVER!

This isn't stressing me out... it's just a lot.

I am also curious as to how much of this would be going on if I wasn't on leave.

Oh - and I have 2 Dr's appointments on Tuesday - both "psychological" and emotionally draining, then 2 the week after...

I think my brain might explode.
I just have to remember - one day at a time and I will survive.

God - I hope they don't force me back to work in June... I'll be screwed!

Labels: housesit, life, stupid