Tales From the Dark Side

They won't just let me do my job. I went in yesterday expecting one trainee and I got 2 again. The good thing about them is that they listened and were willing to learn and try, and they both went on the window for at least on hour each. (So they caught on quickly). The tough part on me is the concentration I have to show for the whole shift. Needless to say I was totally exausted and my mind working overtime when I got home... not a good way to go to sleep. So when J called I let him ramble on about work and how excited he is about this weekend (BlueJays game)and his work etc... then I watched an episode from the Simpsons. Then I went to bed - but my dreams are so tumultuous - I can't stand it. So much negativity and pain, even kids sick and dying, George was lost and alone last night... It's not a very restful sleep.

I don't know how to deal with this.

Today I have to go to both casino's and find my uniforms then go to work... so I have to leave sooner than normal....yippee! Then off to work to see my new trainee (hopefully just the one today.

I don't know what to title this post as I am ready to ramble - the exhaustion has become much more than I can handle.

I was driving home from Kincardine today - completely exhausted and thinking - I should have stayed at Dad's and napped - I'm seeing double... Then I should just pull over the car is nice and warm, I'll fall asleep no problem... Then I asked myself why I wasn't pulling over - maybe I'll wait til I get to Aunt Sharon's house - but then it's only 55 minutes from home - why stop? Then I get even more tired - I don't want to talk to anyone - I don't want my family to look at me and see how tired I really am and how close I am to totally loosing it - yet I feel I jeopardized myself and 1000's of people on the road today by speeding and recklessly passing and driving while stupid and tired... (Is that a crime?)

I need to talk to my doctor about an anti-depressant as I don't think this one is working... I just want to go to sleep and not have to deal with anyone or anything for 5 years... or more...

Especially when they really have no reason to.
I am angry because one of my co-workers is a total pain in the ass, and doesn't want to work in the schedule she was assigned so she called the scheduler and complained, now the scheduler is scrambling making phone calls to change the schedule to make 1 person happy... In the mean time, she isn't doing their job she is paid for (Creating new schedules - someone else revises them after it has been posted) and I get a call, really early asking me to switch my schedule because of this one person. It completely aggravates me that one person would waste so many peoples time like that. So what if you don't like a certain location - no one else likes it either - we all have to do it at some point, what makes you so fucking special.

Am I allowed to go smack her?


I decided to post this in the Fields of grey blog as this heading seems more fitting to my state of mind... Coincidence for two blog sites... I think not!